Offences comes to all of us. We are offended by what we hear, see, what people say or do but we also offend by what we ourselves say and do. Why and how does that happen? Can we recognize an offended person and what can we do about it? It would certainly be a miserable life if we have to walk on egg shells all our lives. But thanks be to God, we live a victorious life. His Word is our guide as He tells us in
Romans 12:18
New King James Version
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
When I looked up the meaning of offence, I was presented with the following definitions.
Anything someone has said/done that has hurt us or gone against our belief or values. It causes someone to stumble. Paul says offense can come even from what we put into our mouth as much as what we put out of our mouth.
1 Corinthians 8:13
New King James Version
13 Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble
Jesus said in
Matthew 15:11-12
New King James Version
11 Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.
12 Then His disciples came and said to Him, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?”
Lets look at the root causes of offence:
1. Our personal preferences that others think is sinful causes them to be offended . Offence causes another to be upset/troubled through either our words or our actions. I remember our church members including myself, sharing experiences with taking Jesus’ name. We invoke Jesus Name as a cry for help and many times in stores or walking on the sidewalk we might stumble or accidentally hit someone and the first word that comes out is ‘Jesus’. I always end by saying ‘thank you Jesus’ under my breath which noone hears. So, many (Christians included) give us a dirty look or make an angry comment. Being of colored origin just adds fuel to their remark.
2. People can offend God, by disobedience or taking His name in an offensive manner. We also offend other people, either intentionally or unintentionally. Whether justified or not, offence will come when we preach God’s truth
The fact is whether we do what is right or wrong, someone will be offended
John 6:65-66
New King James Version
65 And He said, “Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.”
66 From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.”
3. Our high expectation of others and dependance on them to solve our problems/issues. If they are flawed , we are offended.
Ps 91- says to trust God in all situations
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
Man is limited but God is limitless. He will perfect any situation
Job 14:5
New King James Version
5 Since his days are determined,
The number of his months is with You;
You have appointed his limits, so that he cannot pass.
4. Our assumptions. We assume reactions and end results and are offended when it does not happen. Our vested interests are challenged
This is especially true of parents who set goals for their children, and are very disappointed or angered when these do not come to pass. Many relationships are formed on assumptions (He will take care of me and love me forever) we make and are not fulfilled.
5. Our pride keeps us from dealing with the truth and hardens the heart. Pride roots in self but the Bible says we are to die to self
Romans 6:11
New King James Version
11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
If we are dead how can we be offended?
Romans 12:16
New King James Version
16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.”
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves”
6. Familiarity breeds contempt. Knowing someone ‘s past or origin can cause us to be offended by what they may say or do even if it is a good thing.
Matthew 13:55-57
New King James Version
55 Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary? And His brothers James, Joses, Simon, and Judas? 56 And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this Man get all these things?” 57 So they were offended at Him.”
But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house.”
7. Some people carry offences from childhood and cannot let go.
When children are neglected, ignored; when we show favoritism; when we pretend to be something we are not in front of children.
Children can carry rejection by fathers and mothers.
When I was 5 years old, I went to live with my sister even though the rest of my family lived 5 miles away. I thought my parents did not want me, so I decided I was going to win them over. However when I was 9, my mother took all my unmarried siblings and moved to India but left me behind. When I was 12, I tried to talk to my father but he said he did not know how to care for a girl and refused to allow me to live with him.
Rejection is very offensive and can turn to bitterness. As I grew up, I did many things to get attention and none of them were good. It was not until I turned 40 and became a member of God’s family that I released this rejection. The day after receiving Jesus as my Savior, the Lord told me to forgive my family because as long as I harbored unforgiveness and bitterness, He cannot hear me.
I realized that I could not move forward with unforgiveness and bitterness still in my heart and had to forgive them and ask for their forgiveness .
8. Because we are all different and it takes hard work to get along with one another.
Language barrier, cultural differences, traditions, belief system, upbringing and various opinions given to us and formed by us. My sister’s 2 children do not talk to each other until now because some medicine man told 1 sibling that the other sibling put a curse on their sick daughter. People are willing to listen because they need to hold onto some reason why things happen in their lives. The same is with people who walk away from their church and God. ( They only want my money. How can a good God allow or cause this to happen? God wants me to die from this disease, that’s why He won’theal me……)
9. Our age and also status. Some of us who are older tend to get offended easily. We are set in our ways and refuse to change; thinking we know everything because we have experience and head knowledge. We feel we are not respected or regarded. But God has a word for us from someone who has a open heart be it young, old, man, woman or child. We are all in his plan.
Naaman who was leprous came to Elisha for healing but he was offended and wanted to go because Elisha did not come out to see him. Instead he told Naaman to dip 7 times in the river Jordan. Thankfull he listened to his maidservant and did it. He was healed. What if he walked away in his offense?
Titus 2:1-15
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled”
10. Our unbridled tongue
James 3:2-6
New King James Version
2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.
See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.”
11. When we neglect the Word of God. We may feed and clothe our body but we starve our inner man. We leave him naked and exposed to the elements of sin. The more we listen to the flesh, the further we get from the truth and God’s Word.
Galatians 5:16-26
New King James Version
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”
So offfence must come: we cannot control it but we can control our attitude towards it.
So the question is:
What will be our attitude towards offense?
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